The Enlightened Scientific Order of Divine Phlogiston



Yes, it’s all true! Using the newest and most modern techniques of microscopy, pyrology, deduction, and transcendental meditation, our monks have determined beyond all possible doubt that there exists a certain divine component in all matter called phlogiston.

It is this selfsame substance, which exists within all of us and in much of the world, that allows use to communicate with the Divine Allfire!

Is it not observable that the most efficient means godly communication is through burnt offering? Can anyone deny that our bodies are given motion by the sacred flame of our souls? These are empirical truths, that no faithful person with open eyes and a love for the divine can deny.

We have investigated these phenomena and have determined with the utmost certainty that phlogiston is the divine medium.

What a glorious discovery we have made! Through contemplation and ritual burning we may activate this latent divinity within all of us and come into communion, not with the gods, no, but with the Divine Allfire of which they are all made! Our religion is the truest and most efficacious for holy communion.

We are now on the brink of a new era of spiritual fulfillment! The world will soon know the One Holy Truth, and we may at last put aside all conflict and join together and build societies built, above all, on Truth.

Don’t wait! Your spirit craves kindling! Seek out one of our flame gurus posthaste, to begin training for initiation in our order!

The Enlightened Scientific Order of Divine Phlogiston

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